FUCK

How can I be expected to let people [think they] know me, or get to know me
when I don't know myself?

Rape Me - Nirvana

Prep for another horrible night where sleep is replaced by hallucinations

I feel like I've written quite a few posts since I've only
had this blog for a few days or something like that...

That is probably because I've been trying to spend all my time alone, not that I want to be alone.

I feel like that's the best option right now though,

My best friend is on vacation and she's the only one that I feel could put up with me in this state and not think I'm crazy... even if I am.

I miss Jon though, I think I saw him the other day but I can't keep track because I have a memory problem and I have not been sleeping at night so my days blend together.
But I almost broke down infront of him last time he was with me and I'm pretty sure he was confused by the way I was acting. He has not seen half of it, and that worries me, I don't know if he'll be able to deal with me when I'm like this, and I don't want him to have to, to see me in my worst state. And I do have moments where I feel stable and somewhat happy but I know I could breakdown at any moment and scare the shit out of anyone around me, and myself. I've been trying to keep to myself the best I can, my only company has been my music. Satan bless music.

I woke up with one really bloodshot eye, I think it's cause I was trying to pull it out of my face in my episode last night.

Seizure Of Power - Marilyn Manson