I know how I'm going to die, it's just a matter of when

I finally had something fun planned, just something to cheer me up, to get out and just to make this summer feel less of a waste.
So I came home to get ready and instead got into aayy famiiillly feeudd. No fucking surprise.
They cancelled my plans, took my friend home, took my laptop, ( so I'm originally writing this in pencil, ) and are continueing to convince me everything is my fault, it's just me who doesn't try hard enough. They think I was giving attitude and being selfish like the average teenage girl. But it's that I know I can't ever be good in any sort of relationship and I don't need them telling me this. I'm also so fed up I can barely feel anything and I can't even pretend like I give a shit about anything that goes on. I don't cry, I don't feel. I'm so numb and I don't have a care in the world. Do they honestly believe they can have a satisying relationship with a depressed, angry, athiest, numb, schizo daughter who just hates them for 'granting' her life? But they just think all of this is selfishness and I'm a bitch, nothings going on that would make me act like this, I'm just a bitch.
They are great parents for the most part, they play the role well. I feel bad and I love them, but I'll never be able to show them this because no matter how hard I try it's meaningless.
I do try, but "never hard enough." I try so fucking hard- harder than any one person should have to, and still it's not good enough.
Trying this hard in my state with no gratification is next to impossible.
They don't know me.
No one does.
Everyone just needs to fuck off.

Paranoid - Black Sabbath