Drunk post i'll probably regret

The few days I've probably needed my boyfriend, and my best friend the most in my entire life I'm hoping just passed but I'm sure arent done...
They claim to be here for me, and my family is. But really, in the end what does any of that mean. NOTHING. FUCKING ABSOLUTELY NOTHIGN
IM JUST GOING TO FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKKIGN! DIE. just like you, fuck.
last night was the worst night, with my anger/ schizo episodes
worst,
i got enough concsience and care to text jon, but couldnt seem to get out what id texted him forand didnt really think he cared or understood
i dont think anyone would.
havent talked to chanelle in awhile
though i cant say how long its been, CONSIDERING I GET REALITY MIXED UP WITH MY IMAGINATION, i have horrible time perception, and i don't even know what happens or what doesnt at this point. I used to think, and believe i was crazy
lmfaaaAAAAOO
who wasi to think that a few years ago
i may have been weird, but i had NO idea how fucked up a person could get
i do now.
i cant express it to anyone
no one know
or understands int eh FUCKING least
cause their all sane
sane as anyone can be at least
fuck the fake problems, there are real ones out there that dont compare to the ones you may think you have you fucking idiot.
YOU DONT KNOW FUCKING SHIT
best friend was cooped up for the weekend, before asking me to hangout ro anything she had my boyfriend over, cant say that im angry
cause at least point
im too FUCKED
and too fucking numb to feel shito
but its preetty weird, and maybe its just me, you knw what, i bet it is
everything FUCKING my fault.
somehow
everything is.
or maybe it is as fucked as i think it is but i could care less, i cant think strqight
especilly about 'real' shit, when ive got all this other shit in my head
which in REALITY lets call it, no one actually GIVES A FUCCCCCKK ABOUT
they just care about hopw it eeffects them,
and its obviously an aggravating nuissance to them so i try not to talk to anyone
i need a few more days
to drink
get high
and be alone
.
this will probably in the end make everything worse. biut for now its all i cant FUCKING HANBDLELRWEAWjgsjkgfidhfghfsdkhghgdfdhfdhjfghfgiohjgfhfdhkgghkfddddddddddddddddddddddddd