Goodmorning You Fuck

I'm going to have to start smoking weed everynight, it helps me sleep. Once the initial high wears off at least. I've been told that it can increase the risk of schizophrenia but I'm pretty sure it's too late for me, which would be why I'm going to start smoking it frequently, again.
Also it can put you further into depression apparently, but at this point I don't care, I'm just barely holding on and trying to get through the present, I don't give a fuck about the future.
I don't believe I have one.
Haha oh old bad habits...
I, at least, will probably always go back to them.
I've been bingeing and starving, biting my nails till they bleed, not to mention cutting.
The first two probably don't help me much or matter, and the last one I'm pretty ashamed of. I know I shouldn't be, not because it hurts me obviously, but the few people who care about me don't like it. I don't want to upset them, should I even tell them? For now I'm thinking no, because it's my only option left now for living at all.
Only once in awhile now do I get a few seconds of my sanity back. Where everything, mostly, looks the same. I feel slight happiness and normality. It's nice. That never lasts long.
I sometimes have to ask people if something happened or didn't. Because my take on reality is so fucked now. I don't know what's real, but if something feels real to me, then I guess it is real to me...

No Jesus Christ - Seether