Harsh Reality

First time in awhile I've had a clear enough head to decide to write a post that would actually have some... no, nothing makes sense, but this will be my best attempt at clearing my head a little bit

I think this is because I've spent a fare bit of time alone which after flipping shits in my head I get a little calmer and less stressed. Also cutting releases endorphins, and I've also been taking maybe a little too much St. John's Wort; some herbal pills which are meant to help will sleep, restlessness and depression somewhat.

Obviously I will never be happy, but this mediocre mood feels really... refreshing.

Although I have not brushed my hair in days or anything like that, I feel pretty good, and what is the point in maintaining myself on the outside when I'm a total wreck inside, it would be a complete lie. And not even worth the effort whatsoever it's the last thing on my mind ever now; my appearance that is. My heads always scrambled and crazy so I can't think of much but that.

Normally when I use drugs or alcohol now to numb me, it just ends out... badly.

But hey, I still can't help myself, just feeling anything different from what I always do, no matter what that feeling is, would be a relief.

I haven't sketched in awhile either

nor have I dont anything in my usual habits

because,

I just haven't thought about it, or cared enough to

because I'm always so fucking confused and angry.

All I do is keep to myself and listen to my music, tend to be blowing everyone off as well, but I think it's for the best at this point.

No one TRULY cares about how I'm feeling inside, what I'm going through or what I've been doing, just so long as it doesnt affect THEM negatively, because the human race is so goddamn selfish, they don't care about you, just how you make them feel.

'Here for me' my ass, everyones in it for themselves

Now, i can't be there for anyone either.
...

Maybe I will start fitting in a little more with people, because I have lost all thoughtfulness, politeness, decency, or care. Honestly, now, I'm a total bitch- sucks for you, but you don't even know how much this all sucks for me

But honestly, do you even care?

FUCK NO YOU DON'T!

Good Times- Finger Eleven